You have a great way of writing about the ineffable tomfoolery of life, both the inexplicable joys and the intense sorrows. As always, thanks for sharing a window into your particular hard phases of life: mine are different but feel like they share a universe with yours, similar animating principles.
Re the last paragraph, I felt that sense of relief when we (I) decided to stop trying to have a kid after so many years of being someone’s science experiment that I didn’t even want to be a parent any more. The sense of freedom and “okay, what now?” - I get it. Believing that you want something so badly and then realizing that you’re relieved to not get it - it feels pretty close to self actualization.
You are such a good writer. I love especially how you capture parenting's chaos and beauty-it somehow inspires me without making me also feel jealous/ resentful. Magic! Anyways, I'm now a paid subscriber :) Much solidarity to your spouse. Academia's rough on those in and out of it.
This so perfectly encapsulates that uneven dreamstate, that shadow cave of holiday emotion. I always look forward to your dispatches and while it is a cliche to feel seen by a piece of writing, I do feel less alone in my now 4 years running of Off Kilter Christmases. Next year, I say, fists clenched, things will be difficult in a different way.
I had a horrific tenure denial and ended up tenured somewhere better which happens more than you’d think. It sounds like he’s ready to be done with academia which, yes to that (I love my current job but refuse to defend it), but it might be interesting to see what shakes out over the next year.
This was a beautiful read. Stupid chickens. Also, my husband left academia a couple years ago. The transition out was murky, but now he is so much happier. Like, it just comes bubbling out of him some nights (usually when another colleague is posting about a failed grant bid or whatever else) - “I am so glad that is no longer my life!” He loves his job, feels the work is meaningful, feels respected, and makes more money. Wishing you the best as you step into a new phase.
My spouse didn't get tenure a few years back. It was a rough time, particularly because his PhD is humanities and it wasn't immediately clear what to do next. He did some nonprofit community work and teaching HS. Hopefully without overstepping: be gentle with yourself as you figure out what's next. Try to think about what it might look like in a year or three or ten, if you can. I really wish someone had told me to breathe more, and to have his network as soon as he caught his breath. Also to employ some outside support to help us get thru this. The PhD process and the tenure bid where he was -- an R1 -- was so intense for so long with bringing in money and research and travel that when he didn't get tenure and was home and around a bunch more, things really changed quite suddenly. YMMV, of course! I don't want to read as discouraging; almost everyone we know left academia and is happier for it.
No, but it wasn't offered either. This was 10 years ago. He was angry and hurt and the Dean of his college was... not his favorite...
This was in Maryland. He had a Fulbright and wrote a book and got a junior faculty fellowship and traveled a ton and that still wasn't enough because of university politics and a reorg after drama about not wanting to make one person a full prof and said person packing up and taking their institute and funding to New England, plus his mentor getting sick and eventually passing. It was Not A Good Time and was keen to leave.
One of my favorite profs met her partner at my college. He was denied tenure (after I had graduated, we kept in touch) and they both decamped to a different institution and are much happier.
Thank you for sharing your life. I love your writing.
You have a great way of writing about the ineffable tomfoolery of life, both the inexplicable joys and the intense sorrows. As always, thanks for sharing a window into your particular hard phases of life: mine are different but feel like they share a universe with yours, similar animating principles.
Re the last paragraph, I felt that sense of relief when we (I) decided to stop trying to have a kid after so many years of being someone’s science experiment that I didn’t even want to be a parent any more. The sense of freedom and “okay, what now?” - I get it. Believing that you want something so badly and then realizing that you’re relieved to not get it - it feels pretty close to self actualization.
It's a trip!
You are such a good writer. I love especially how you capture parenting's chaos and beauty-it somehow inspires me without making me also feel jealous/ resentful. Magic! Anyways, I'm now a paid subscriber :) Much solidarity to your spouse. Academia's rough on those in and out of it.
Just coming back here to say that this is theeeee best compliment: inspiring without making anyone feel jealous/resentful. Thank you!
Sorry about tenure! Robin left academia about 18 months ago and everything is better for us, so wishing you all the same!
This makes me so happy! We're hopeful.
This so perfectly encapsulates that uneven dreamstate, that shadow cave of holiday emotion. I always look forward to your dispatches and while it is a cliche to feel seen by a piece of writing, I do feel less alone in my now 4 years running of Off Kilter Christmases. Next year, I say, fists clenched, things will be difficult in a different way.
I had a horrific tenure denial and ended up tenured somewhere better which happens more than you’d think. It sounds like he’s ready to be done with academia which, yes to that (I love my current job but refuse to defend it), but it might be interesting to see what shakes out over the next year.
This was a beautiful read. Stupid chickens. Also, my husband left academia a couple years ago. The transition out was murky, but now he is so much happier. Like, it just comes bubbling out of him some nights (usually when another colleague is posting about a failed grant bid or whatever else) - “I am so glad that is no longer my life!” He loves his job, feels the work is meaningful, feels respected, and makes more money. Wishing you the best as you step into a new phase.
My spouse didn't get tenure a few years back. It was a rough time, particularly because his PhD is humanities and it wasn't immediately clear what to do next. He did some nonprofit community work and teaching HS. Hopefully without overstepping: be gentle with yourself as you figure out what's next. Try to think about what it might look like in a year or three or ten, if you can. I really wish someone had told me to breathe more, and to have his network as soon as he caught his breath. Also to employ some outside support to help us get thru this. The PhD process and the tenure bid where he was -- an R1 -- was so intense for so long with bringing in money and research and travel that when he didn't get tenure and was home and around a bunch more, things really changed quite suddenly. YMMV, of course! I don't want to read as discouraging; almost everyone we know left academia and is happier for it.
Did he work a terminal year at his institution?
No, but it wasn't offered either. This was 10 years ago. He was angry and hurt and the Dean of his college was... not his favorite...
This was in Maryland. He had a Fulbright and wrote a book and got a junior faculty fellowship and traveled a ton and that still wasn't enough because of university politics and a reorg after drama about not wanting to make one person a full prof and said person packing up and taking their institute and funding to New England, plus his mentor getting sick and eventually passing. It was Not A Good Time and was keen to leave.
Love your writing and honesty 🫶
One of my favorite profs met her partner at my college. He was denied tenure (after I had graduated, we kept in touch) and they both decamped to a different institution and are much happier.
Thank you for sharing your life. I love your writing.