17 Comments
User's avatar
Kira Cook's avatar

This is so frigged!!!!! A violation that...bestows you your freedom? How postmodern!

Expand full comment
Katie's avatar

Plz send all shitposts directly to me ❤️

Expand full comment
Lindsey's avatar

Seriously though you’ve put into words how I’ve been thinking about Twitter because I’m like, I’ve got these stupid quips, where am I supposed to shitpost them now

Expand full comment
Laura's avatar

Did you ever return to Twitter? Or try to get support? We want your take on the hellscape that is X.com.

Expand full comment
Evie Ebert's avatar

Never returned, forever locked out. Got tired of lobbying their support teams and just let it go 😔

Expand full comment
Laura's avatar

Makes sense but still sucks. If you do short form on one of the other social media, it'd be fun to read your observations on blue sky or the like.

Expand full comment
Lauren Sieben's avatar

Happy for you escaping the hell site but also came here to do some Investigative Reporting(TM) because I miss your shitposting!!! Yours truly, a fellow shitposter

Expand full comment
Evie Ebert's avatar

Locked out still 🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠

Expand full comment
Sara Petersen's avatar

This suckkkkkkks Evie! (But also this is painfully relatable - "My inner monologue was being flattened into short, quippy observations." )

Expand full comment
Chad O's avatar

Maybe not hardcore porn. Maybe conspiracies, shitty political opinions, wellness scams, another voice in a harassment campaign. Bot swarms look much more believable if they're the stolen accounts of humans who poured years of labor into each one.

Expand full comment
Chad O's avatar

Maybe it's for sale rn in some dark web auction. The hacked accounts of humans must go for a premium. When someone finally comes up with a swindle that needs the extra cred, they'll pay up and your account and all the others it's bundled with will resurrect.

Expand full comment
Evie Ebert's avatar

Jesus Christ!!!

Expand full comment
Chad O's avatar

Obviously not saying this is happening, just speculating on why someone would want your account in particular, and why it might be sitting inactive currently. The person who hacked it need not be the one who uses it. Maybe it will have a "credibility score" of [years active = 14] ⨉ [number of followers = 3,072] = 43k, and this will fetch it a price of, I don't know, $43, paid in monero. AI chatbots might make once-human accounts more highly-sought-after, since they'll be easier to script while maintaining some continuity with their previous incarnation. "In the style of @ohevie, draft a tweet about how true patriots need to rise up and [something 2024 related]"

Expand full comment
Chad O's avatar

Also, *maybe* you could find your account if you figure out how to browse some dark web auction houses? But probably not. It's probably not like trying to find a stolen computer in neighborhood pawn shops; it's probably bundled in with a bunch of other accounts. Maybe the seller is using zero-knowledge proofs so the buyer can be sure that they'll acquire the number of accounts with the credibility scores advertised, but it probably doesn't even need to be that sophisticated.

Expand full comment
Misti Little's avatar

Well all of that is bonkers but believable and now I feel the need to 2factor every acct of mine online.

Expand full comment
Robyn Y's avatar

Evie, my Twitter account just got hacked this morning too, in the same way yours was 😵

Expand full comment
Evie Ebert's avatar

Noooooooooo

Expand full comment