I've always thought of my life's work as paying attention to what I enjoy, but reading this as a first-time parent of an 8 month old, I'm definitely going to try out minimizing things that put me in a bad mood. Simple but genius. Please write a lifestyle guide for moms!
Right here with you. I now consider a weekday trip to Costco to be the ultimate indulgence, and I sort of hate myself for it, but also not? A part of me feels like this is always who I was, but now I can just blame it on my children instead of having to explain that I don't have a very exciting life to begin with. I imagine that there are many of us moms hoping to have a better time, and I SO STRONGLY wish there were a way to connect and have a beer in the backyard while the children play with sticks? That is the part that I am truly puzzled and sad and mad about. For me, part of having fun is connection and I know there are other bored people out there. But when I reach out to see if they want to come over for pizza on Friday, it turns out their kid has interpretive dance that night, but maybe we can get together 4 weeks from now? I'm sorry but that just sounds like such a drag. I cannot bring myself to schedule things so far out because everyone here is so busy and important. And so I sit in the backyard during the evening while my kids run around the same asphalt driveway again and get back to your original question -- how can I have more fun?
PS - that picture of Polly - amazing. What a cutie. I also annoyingly talk about babies like they are little snacks I could eat up, but she looks so scrumptious!
Deeply, deeply relate to this comment. My husband and I have been considering moving and when our cared-for-but-never-seen friends act shocked, it's hard not to wonder where they've been for all those backyard beers. To be fair, we don't often have the energy to extend the invite, so it's not as if we've been putting ourselves out there over and over. Still, wish we had some magical crew that ended up together effortlessly all the time. Which, okay, I do and it's my toddler and husband, who do have some pretty sick dance moves when we remember to turn on the music.
This hot home for me in a lot of ways! I have a completely new identity than I did three years ago and I've recently been doing a lot of thinking about how I need to accept and embrace that. New Jillian likes to be in bed at 9pm, so it would be cool if I could stop feeling bad about that!
If you told 20-something me that at 41, my main hobbies would be gardening and houseplants, I would have thrown a drink on someone. Turns out these are very good ways for me to have fun at home which is where I’m usually stuck, because kids. Leaving-the-house fun requires too much organization and as you say, is high stakes with kids.
I feel like I am still figuring out the “good hang” part (am an introvert who had always been kind of bad at that) but one thing we did this summer was put our kids in the same swim lessons as some friends (who have kids our kids love) and then institute a standing taco takeout night at our house afterwards. It was so great having some low stakes built-in socialization to our week and I’m trying to figure out how to replicate it.
Also hell yes to outsourcing the shitty parts (lunches, cleaning) to whatever extent you can afford.
"So began what I think of as my life’s work: paying attention to what I enjoy, so that I can stand to be around myself, since I am the only home I’ll ever have. It’s a privilege to do it." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This explains my life now in a way I was never able to articulate: "When you have to work first shift every day for the foreseeable future, you are forced to take care of yourself or perish. And the more you take care of yourself, the less fun it seems to not take care of yourself.".
Oh my god I could have written this. Also a teen mom (28), also excelled at being PARTY FUN GAL (literally worked music festivals / event planning before realizing you cannot do that shit with kids and moving into tech,) also realized I didn't have hobbies, also now cherish the 2 hours of childcare at our gym (I do spelling bee in the hot tub at after my workout), now have a growing animal crossing addiction to keep my hands and mind busy, also also also yes very much all of this.
Not kidding, I starred this in my gmail so I can send it to friends as they have kids, because I relate to so much of it. I don't regret for a second waiting until I was 34 to have a kid because I was so selfish in my enjoyment of my life, and I liked being selfish! I like it still, when I get the chance. I feel like I spent so much time thinking about "how can i have a kid/kids and still keep as much about my life the same as possible" which is.....not how it works, as it turns out. But it takes a lot of time to get to the point of accepting that.
I've always thought of my life's work as paying attention to what I enjoy, but reading this as a first-time parent of an 8 month old, I'm definitely going to try out minimizing things that put me in a bad mood. Simple but genius. Please write a lifestyle guide for moms!
Right here with you. I now consider a weekday trip to Costco to be the ultimate indulgence, and I sort of hate myself for it, but also not? A part of me feels like this is always who I was, but now I can just blame it on my children instead of having to explain that I don't have a very exciting life to begin with. I imagine that there are many of us moms hoping to have a better time, and I SO STRONGLY wish there were a way to connect and have a beer in the backyard while the children play with sticks? That is the part that I am truly puzzled and sad and mad about. For me, part of having fun is connection and I know there are other bored people out there. But when I reach out to see if they want to come over for pizza on Friday, it turns out their kid has interpretive dance that night, but maybe we can get together 4 weeks from now? I'm sorry but that just sounds like such a drag. I cannot bring myself to schedule things so far out because everyone here is so busy and important. And so I sit in the backyard during the evening while my kids run around the same asphalt driveway again and get back to your original question -- how can I have more fun?
PS - that picture of Polly - amazing. What a cutie. I also annoyingly talk about babies like they are little snacks I could eat up, but she looks so scrumptious!
Deeply, deeply relate to this comment. My husband and I have been considering moving and when our cared-for-but-never-seen friends act shocked, it's hard not to wonder where they've been for all those backyard beers. To be fair, we don't often have the energy to extend the invite, so it's not as if we've been putting ourselves out there over and over. Still, wish we had some magical crew that ended up together effortlessly all the time. Which, okay, I do and it's my toddler and husband, who do have some pretty sick dance moves when we remember to turn on the music.
CANNORT, WILLNORT, handle polly in that lil' hat!!!
This hot home for me in a lot of ways! I have a completely new identity than I did three years ago and I've recently been doing a lot of thinking about how I need to accept and embrace that. New Jillian likes to be in bed at 9pm, so it would be cool if I could stop feeling bad about that!
If you told 20-something me that at 41, my main hobbies would be gardening and houseplants, I would have thrown a drink on someone. Turns out these are very good ways for me to have fun at home which is where I’m usually stuck, because kids. Leaving-the-house fun requires too much organization and as you say, is high stakes with kids.
I feel like I am still figuring out the “good hang” part (am an introvert who had always been kind of bad at that) but one thing we did this summer was put our kids in the same swim lessons as some friends (who have kids our kids love) and then institute a standing taco takeout night at our house afterwards. It was so great having some low stakes built-in socialization to our week and I’m trying to figure out how to replicate it.
Also hell yes to outsourcing the shitty parts (lunches, cleaning) to whatever extent you can afford.
hahahaha "If you told 20-something me that at 41, my main hobbies would be gardening and houseplants, I would have thrown a drink on someone."
"So began what I think of as my life’s work: paying attention to what I enjoy, so that I can stand to be around myself, since I am the only home I’ll ever have. It’s a privilege to do it." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This explains my life now in a way I was never able to articulate: "When you have to work first shift every day for the foreseeable future, you are forced to take care of yourself or perish. And the more you take care of yourself, the less fun it seems to not take care of yourself.".
Oh my god I could have written this. Also a teen mom (28), also excelled at being PARTY FUN GAL (literally worked music festivals / event planning before realizing you cannot do that shit with kids and moving into tech,) also realized I didn't have hobbies, also now cherish the 2 hours of childcare at our gym (I do spelling bee in the hot tub at after my workout), now have a growing animal crossing addiction to keep my hands and mind busy, also also also yes very much all of this.
Not kidding, I starred this in my gmail so I can send it to friends as they have kids, because I relate to so much of it. I don't regret for a second waiting until I was 34 to have a kid because I was so selfish in my enjoyment of my life, and I liked being selfish! I like it still, when I get the chance. I feel like I spent so much time thinking about "how can i have a kid/kids and still keep as much about my life the same as possible" which is.....not how it works, as it turns out. But it takes a lot of time to get to the point of accepting that.