It's actually spring for both! My birthday is spring and tbh every time I've fallen in love has been around March/April/May so the smells and sights every year trigger a feeling of excitement and hopefulness for me. I remember as a kid loving that my birthday meant that the school year would be over in a few weeks, there was just such a lightness to the month of May as a child.
Now I am a crone with seasonal allergies so I'm not as breathless about this season as I once was but it's still probably my favorite. I am a little bit worried that COVID has ruined my positive associations permanently because in March/April I've felt complete dread and terror remembering last year.
I bought a drip coffee maker a few weeks into the pandemic after years of doing French press / pourover and it's great. Don't know what I waited so long. I usually drink it black.
I don't enjoy watching scary movies but I will watch a few a year if there's something Nick really wants to see. I like Jordan Peele's movies, I enjoyed Midsommar. I can deal with zombies, and monster movies but anything with demon possession or ghosts or the spirit world, I just absolutely fucking hate. I watch most of them through my fingers and can't sleep afterwards.
Man this question is hard for me because you can love a place but if you don't have a community there it kind of becomes moot. I really like Asheville, NC and could picture my family in a sprawling crafstman bungalow there. Mexico City is my favorite city and I would love to spend a year there.
Like you, I have two children and lust for a third. (Congratulations on the pregnancy! I’m thrilled for you and completely inappropriately jealous.) The big sticking point for me is that I can see myself traveling internationally with 2 kids, but 3 kids feels like it will nail our feet to the floor for two decades. Is that a shallow reason not to have a baby? Will 3 kids bring us infinitely more lifetime happiness? Will we so rarely travel with 2 kids that I’ll regret not having the baby I want? I had a friend say, “Send them all to sleepaway camp and take a big trip with your husband,” which sounds like a $25k per annum solution. (Essentially, not a solution.) How are you reconciling wanting to travel with the third baby?
So I had similar hangups about additional children but I figure the main cost multiplier is airfare. Not insignificant but once you are used to dealing with the number you have, then it's a matter of finding accommodations and activities that work for your brood.
Our third was not planned so our future plans are being shaped by that whether we like it or not so it's not really an informed choice we made. I don't imagine we'll be looking to do any long haul spendy flights with the whole family before our youngest is 4 or 5 and that's fine with me. I'm not willing to give up the long term notion of our family taking amazing trips together so I guess I'll just figure it out.
However I have friends who balked at a third for this exact reason and that is completely valid. Totally get it. I grew up the youngest of three so a kid sleeping in a sleeping bag on the hotel room floor is already part of my picture of normal haha.
Ugh, I totally get the trials of constantly having to come up with what to eat and what to buy. I have been endlessly stalked by ads for Hungry Root, Daily Harvest, et al but haven't succumbed yet. (Did you know that some of Daily Harvests "meals" are a soup containing about 120 calories?!?!?) Instead for the last several months, I have been living by a few pre-made meal plans that I intermittently subscribe to. It is glorious to not have to come up with my own ideas or grocery lists. I've tried quite a few with varying levels of success and I think you might like Debbie Koenig's "The Family Plan". It's another Substack newsletter and she always has vegetarian options for each meal.
Anyways, congrats on your 200th edition! I always look forward to reading what you have to say.
Imagine that you've got the day off tomorrow and it's going to be sunny and warm. day. Some magic has happened so that the house is clean and all obligations and deadlines are met, and you found $150 in your pants pocket. You husband and kiddos will be away (but like, no stress, they're coming right back). How would you spend your day, beginning to end?
I think if anything my inability to be brief in writing makes me a bad coder because when given the opportunity to do more with less code, I am offended.
How do you reconcile the joy of writing with the grind of hustle culture, especially when the rewards are so... vague? What ambitions do you have for your work?
I'm lucky right now that I can pay the bills without freelance income so that allows me to only write things I really want to write. That hasn't always been the case. That makes it easier. I find myself in a pattern where I get disgruntled about my day job and so to make myself feel better, I try to land a freelance pitch. Then when I'm trying to meet a freelance deadline, the pressure makes the day job feel like a break. It ends up feeling something like balance.
I haven't been able to spend any time on personal long term writing projects (i.e. fiction or essays) since the pandemic. We are truly barely keeping it together even now as our kids have more childcare/school access than at any point previously in the pandemic. We're absolutely exhausted and it has to be enough right now for me to hope to get around to those things later.
As far as my ambitions for my work, man, I wish I knew. Sometimes I read something so good I never want to write again. Something I know is that any time I get a degree of "success", the day after I am right back to my baseline as far as happiness/good feelings/whatever. So I am trying to prioritize doing things I think I will enjoy rather than what is the most status-y or impressive or strategic. Because I could win a Pulitzer and I'd still wake up the next day and feel empty and terrified!!!!!!
I'm a relatively recent subscriber. I love your writing and your Twitter. As a mom of a 7 year old, its helped me laugh and cope with this year. Have you always been a writer/what's your history with writing? Do you have writing aspirations beyond articles and the newsletter? I guess I'm saying if you wrote a memoir or book of essays I'd buy it!
Thanks for the kind words. Have always written, though when I was younger I was more focused on comedy writing. The Onion's Our Dumb Century came out in like 99 or 2000 and I used to go sit at Barnes and Noble and pore over it because I couldn't afford my own copy. Had a livejournal in high school, always had one blog or another going throughout college and my 20s. I loved reading bloggy style writing from other people, one of the few things I miss about the 2000s. Was too busy have drunk potlucks with my friends in my 20s to have aspirations beyond good weekend plans. I think landing in a small town away from the community I'd had before and having to recontextualize myself made more room for these kinds of pursuits.
I'd love to sell a book of essays but I don't really have a central theme tightened up! If you know what the theme of my writing is hmu because that would help haha
It's going great! When I started, I wondered if this was something I was going to try to make my full-time gig but I don't really think I have that grind in me. As it stands, I do very little promotion or zero marketing and get a slow, steady stream of clients based on referrals and word of mouth. I like it that way! I don't want to build an empire, but it is nice to have a skill that provides such a concrete benefit to families and that adds to our household income.
I have been seeing many clients who have preschool-aged kids who struggle with late bedtimes, long bedtimes, night waking, unwanted bedsharing with parents. I think our routines have all gotten so warped in the last year that it's thrown off even kids who have always otherwise been "good sleepers."
I think I somehow missed this sleep consulting gig info?? Or maybe I’m just that tired from whatever the hell my 4.5 year old is putting us through right now with her lifetime sleep issues. Um, please help? Or at least talk me down from wherever I was last night when she woke me up for the 15th time.
Okay but what should I actually make for dinner next week if I don't have Nothing Fancy (should I just get it), and also where would you go if you had 4 weeks and unlimited budget and somebody else watching the kids (either at home or just like hanging out separate from you at the resort let's say)
The restaurant where I worked in college had an appetizer called "Vegetarian Sampler" which was this heaping mounded pile of hummos, babaghanoush, Israeli salad, stuffed grape leaves, falafel etc. The guys in the kitchen would supersize it for me for my shift meal because I needed to smother my PBR hangover like a grease fire. That's all I ever really want for dinner tbh
My answer to the travel question is that I would do the dirtbag hopping around Vietnam, Thailand, and Cambodia thing that I never got to do as a young childfree person OR I would hunker down in Morocco or Nicaragua or South Africa and spend 4 weeks learning to surf to prove something to myself about how young and vital I am no matter how much of my collagen goes gently into that good night every year.
I think we are all scraping the bottom of the barrel right now as far as our emotional reserves. I have had found myself thinking that I shouldn't have had children more times in the last month than in the 5.5 years I've been a parent. I think it's best to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who told you that they've been struggling in this way. And then try to brainstorm ideas with your partner if you have one to spend time away or carve out more time for yourself. We're all really burnt out. Oh and definitely let the food guilt go!! Try reframing the foods you listed as "fun foods" rather than giving them a moral judgement. "Today we had a lot of fun foods." Isn't that better?
This pandemic is so goddamn long, and you're doing a great job.
WHO IS YOUR BFF?!
How did I not realize there were COMMENTS?!
Since you mentioned winter (and I agree), what's your favorite season and also what's your most nostalgic season?
It's actually spring for both! My birthday is spring and tbh every time I've fallen in love has been around March/April/May so the smells and sights every year trigger a feeling of excitement and hopefulness for me. I remember as a kid loving that my birthday meant that the school year would be over in a few weeks, there was just such a lightness to the month of May as a child.
Now I am a crone with seasonal allergies so I'm not as breathless about this season as I once was but it's still probably my favorite. I am a little bit worried that COVID has ruined my positive associations permanently because in March/April I've felt complete dread and terror remembering last year.
Coffee preparation method of choice? Feelings about scary movies?
I bought a drip coffee maker a few weeks into the pandemic after years of doing French press / pourover and it's great. Don't know what I waited so long. I usually drink it black.
I don't enjoy watching scary movies but I will watch a few a year if there's something Nick really wants to see. I like Jordan Peele's movies, I enjoyed Midsommar. I can deal with zombies, and monster movies but anything with demon possession or ghosts or the spirit world, I just absolutely fucking hate. I watch most of them through my fingers and can't sleep afterwards.
If you could live anywhere where would you live and what sort of house/apt/domicile would you live in?
Man this question is hard for me because you can love a place but if you don't have a community there it kind of becomes moot. I really like Asheville, NC and could picture my family in a sprawling crafstman bungalow there. Mexico City is my favorite city and I would love to spend a year there.
Is that the $1 Target fingerpaint? We got pink and...have some regrets.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CMoC6Weh48_/?igshid=8i97e3u41ut
Not sure if it's Target but it's definitely comparable. I usually have to scrub it off the walls with my loofa the next time I shower.
Like you, I have two children and lust for a third. (Congratulations on the pregnancy! I’m thrilled for you and completely inappropriately jealous.) The big sticking point for me is that I can see myself traveling internationally with 2 kids, but 3 kids feels like it will nail our feet to the floor for two decades. Is that a shallow reason not to have a baby? Will 3 kids bring us infinitely more lifetime happiness? Will we so rarely travel with 2 kids that I’ll regret not having the baby I want? I had a friend say, “Send them all to sleepaway camp and take a big trip with your husband,” which sounds like a $25k per annum solution. (Essentially, not a solution.) How are you reconciling wanting to travel with the third baby?
(I’m sending you this question and not Taza bc that lady is operating on another level)
So I had similar hangups about additional children but I figure the main cost multiplier is airfare. Not insignificant but once you are used to dealing with the number you have, then it's a matter of finding accommodations and activities that work for your brood.
Our third was not planned so our future plans are being shaped by that whether we like it or not so it's not really an informed choice we made. I don't imagine we'll be looking to do any long haul spendy flights with the whole family before our youngest is 4 or 5 and that's fine with me. I'm not willing to give up the long term notion of our family taking amazing trips together so I guess I'll just figure it out.
However I have friends who balked at a third for this exact reason and that is completely valid. Totally get it. I grew up the youngest of three so a kid sleeping in a sleeping bag on the hotel room floor is already part of my picture of normal haha.
Ugh, I totally get the trials of constantly having to come up with what to eat and what to buy. I have been endlessly stalked by ads for Hungry Root, Daily Harvest, et al but haven't succumbed yet. (Did you know that some of Daily Harvests "meals" are a soup containing about 120 calories?!?!?) Instead for the last several months, I have been living by a few pre-made meal plans that I intermittently subscribe to. It is glorious to not have to come up with my own ideas or grocery lists. I've tried quite a few with varying levels of success and I think you might like Debbie Koenig's "The Family Plan". It's another Substack newsletter and she always has vegetarian options for each meal.
Anyways, congrats on your 200th edition! I always look forward to reading what you have to say.
How do you feel about monogamy?
Imagine that you've got the day off tomorrow and it's going to be sunny and warm. day. Some magic has happened so that the house is clean and all obligations and deadlines are met, and you found $150 in your pants pocket. You husband and kiddos will be away (but like, no stress, they're coming right back). How would you spend your day, beginning to end?
What internet purchase should I waste money on next week?
Magnetic lashes duh
how does your experience of writing code relate to your experience of writing text (or vice versa)?
I think if anything my inability to be brief in writing makes me a bad coder because when given the opportunity to do more with less code, I am offended.
How do you reconcile the joy of writing with the grind of hustle culture, especially when the rewards are so... vague? What ambitions do you have for your work?
I'm lucky right now that I can pay the bills without freelance income so that allows me to only write things I really want to write. That hasn't always been the case. That makes it easier. I find myself in a pattern where I get disgruntled about my day job and so to make myself feel better, I try to land a freelance pitch. Then when I'm trying to meet a freelance deadline, the pressure makes the day job feel like a break. It ends up feeling something like balance.
I haven't been able to spend any time on personal long term writing projects (i.e. fiction or essays) since the pandemic. We are truly barely keeping it together even now as our kids have more childcare/school access than at any point previously in the pandemic. We're absolutely exhausted and it has to be enough right now for me to hope to get around to those things later.
As far as my ambitions for my work, man, I wish I knew. Sometimes I read something so good I never want to write again. Something I know is that any time I get a degree of "success", the day after I am right back to my baseline as far as happiness/good feelings/whatever. So I am trying to prioritize doing things I think I will enjoy rather than what is the most status-y or impressive or strategic. Because I could win a Pulitzer and I'd still wake up the next day and feel empty and terrified!!!!!!
I'm a relatively recent subscriber. I love your writing and your Twitter. As a mom of a 7 year old, its helped me laugh and cope with this year. Have you always been a writer/what's your history with writing? Do you have writing aspirations beyond articles and the newsletter? I guess I'm saying if you wrote a memoir or book of essays I'd buy it!
Thanks for the kind words. Have always written, though when I was younger I was more focused on comedy writing. The Onion's Our Dumb Century came out in like 99 or 2000 and I used to go sit at Barnes and Noble and pore over it because I couldn't afford my own copy. Had a livejournal in high school, always had one blog or another going throughout college and my 20s. I loved reading bloggy style writing from other people, one of the few things I miss about the 2000s. Was too busy have drunk potlucks with my friends in my 20s to have aspirations beyond good weekend plans. I think landing in a small town away from the community I'd had before and having to recontextualize myself made more room for these kinds of pursuits.
I'd love to sell a book of essays but I don't really have a central theme tightened up! If you know what the theme of my writing is hmu because that would help haha
How is sleep consulting going? Are you liking it? Do you notice any trends or issues everyone seems to grapple with?
It's going great! When I started, I wondered if this was something I was going to try to make my full-time gig but I don't really think I have that grind in me. As it stands, I do very little promotion or zero marketing and get a slow, steady stream of clients based on referrals and word of mouth. I like it that way! I don't want to build an empire, but it is nice to have a skill that provides such a concrete benefit to families and that adds to our household income.
I have been seeing many clients who have preschool-aged kids who struggle with late bedtimes, long bedtimes, night waking, unwanted bedsharing with parents. I think our routines have all gotten so warped in the last year that it's thrown off even kids who have always otherwise been "good sleepers."
I think I somehow missed this sleep consulting gig info?? Or maybe I’m just that tired from whatever the hell my 4.5 year old is putting us through right now with her lifetime sleep issues. Um, please help? Or at least talk me down from wherever I was last night when she woke me up for the 15th time.
Email me! evie@letsdoze.com
Okay but what should I actually make for dinner next week if I don't have Nothing Fancy (should I just get it), and also where would you go if you had 4 weeks and unlimited budget and somebody else watching the kids (either at home or just like hanging out separate from you at the resort let's say)
The restaurant where I worked in college had an appetizer called "Vegetarian Sampler" which was this heaping mounded pile of hummos, babaghanoush, Israeli salad, stuffed grape leaves, falafel etc. The guys in the kitchen would supersize it for me for my shift meal because I needed to smother my PBR hangover like a grease fire. That's all I ever really want for dinner tbh
My answer to the travel question is that I would do the dirtbag hopping around Vietnam, Thailand, and Cambodia thing that I never got to do as a young childfree person OR I would hunker down in Morocco or Nicaragua or South Africa and spend 4 weeks learning to surf to prove something to myself about how young and vital I am no matter how much of my collagen goes gently into that good night every year.
I think we are all scraping the bottom of the barrel right now as far as our emotional reserves. I have had found myself thinking that I shouldn't have had children more times in the last month than in the 5.5 years I've been a parent. I think it's best to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who told you that they've been struggling in this way. And then try to brainstorm ideas with your partner if you have one to spend time away or carve out more time for yourself. We're all really burnt out. Oh and definitely let the food guilt go!! Try reframing the foods you listed as "fun foods" rather than giving them a moral judgement. "Today we had a lot of fun foods." Isn't that better?
This pandemic is so goddamn long, and you're doing a great job.